To Binge
by TwoDents
Summary: He thought binge-drinking was wonderful, if it lead to this every time. AU.
1. Chapter 1

It was two o'clock in the morning. Noodle has school tomorrow. And she's reading gay fanfiction.

Her eyes felt like they could fall out at any minute, and were dryer than the meatloaf she had for lunch. Disgusting and crumbly. But the story needed her. It was almost to the climax, and just as she was certain her OTP were about to do the horizontal dance, her phone flashed black and buzzed, an unknown number scrolling across the top.

"What… the heeeeeeck." She groaned, her thumb clicking on the red button to end the call. Ah yes, back to the story. She got about two seconds of word time before the caller pestered her once again. Again, she clicked end.

But after they called two more times, she clicked answer. On accident of course, her frustration and tiredness just confused her for a bit.

"What?" she croaked into the mic.

"'Elloooo?" A man's voice on the other end. "Paula, I'm jis'… Ringin'! To letchi know… I aaaaaaaaam o'er yew-HIC!"

Noodle giggled. "I'm sorry?" she asked, unsure of what he was going on about, his slurred words and unexpected pauses making it difficult.

"Whot."

"Huh?"

"Paula, pleeeease. I know ye mind games 'n…. shet, dey ain't gon' work on-HIC meeee no more."

"I'm not Paula."

"Oh shet, whot?"

Noodle was getting slightly irked. He must be drunk.

"I'm not Paula." She repeated.

There was a pause on the line.

"Oh,"

Another pause.

"Who es dis?"

"My name is Noodle."

The man laughed, as was expected. But it still pissed her off.

"Soweh, sum cat on the-HIC telly got destroyed by mousey. I'm 2D."

"Huh?"

So he wasn't laughing about her name?

"2D!" He repeated. "Like a... A two, and then a D-"

"That's weird."

"'Ets not weird!" His voice heightened in pitch.

"Did your parents name you 2D?" Noodle asked, wondering if it was a nickname.

"...no."

"Then what-" her next question was interrupted by her father.

"Noodle?" His voice called from his room not too far from her own.

"Shit, hold on." She told '2D' and yelled back.

"Yeah?"

"Why the bloody hell are you still up?"

"Uh, Melissa was having... Period trouble?" She prayed to whoever was listening that it was believable.

"Oh... Well, tell her you have to sleep now, okay?"

Hallelujah!

"Yes, dad. Goodnight!"

"Night."

She breathed out, then remembered who she was really talking to.

"I'll text you, okay 2D?"

Honestly she was getting kind of attached to his cute accent.

"Fanks, luv." He said quietly. "Needin'-HIC someone to talk teh anyways."

Her heart cried. Poor guy.

"See you."

"Buh bye."

She hung up.

Then added him to her contacts, under '2D', and texted him.

/Hey

She started.

/how do u spel ur nam

/Noodle

/k thank

She texted him until the alarm clock signalled her to get up. She hadn't slept a wink. It was worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

She's been suffering for seven minutes now. Seven minutes of progress into her drama homework, seven minutes of reciting Shakespeare's dry plays.

Noodle was pissed.

2D always was quite fast at replying, and after three weeks of constant talk, seven minutes was too long for one to wait for a reply.

"I have come to bury Caesar! Not to praise-" her practice was brought to a close, as her phone flashed with life, notifying her of the fact a certain someone snapchatted her back.

"Finally!" She yelled excitedly, her script being flung across the room in abandon to open the picture.

It was just a picture of his dog. No caption or anything.

"Ugh, bastard..." She huffed, she'd sent him a real fire selfie and was hoping for a compliment or something. But just got a pug dog instead. Brutus was cute and all, but not what she wanted right now.

Wait.

He'd sent her another snap! She beamed, pressing down on the tile to allow her to view it.

She screamed.

Her phone flew out of her hands and smacked into her bedside table after they pulled back in shock.

She'd just seen...

A rather disappointing penis.

By 2D? Oh lord, why would he do that? They hadn't discussed anything to lead to this, and they were just really friendly towards each other.

After a few moments of internalizing this complicated situation in her head, she picked her phone back up to reply with a picture of her foot, captioned with many question marks.

He opened it, but didn't reply. Confused and kind of scared, Noodle decided to face this head on. She called him.

"Whot?" He answered, sounding exhausted.

"What the hell was that?"

"Ay?"

"That..." Noodle was now unsure how to word it, not really one to use the crude English slang her friends use at school.

"...that-That dick pic! You sent me!" she said anyway.

"I didn' sen' yew no dick pic!"

"You did!"

"Hold on, luv, just..."

There was a bark on the line, and 2D hushing his dog. After a couple moments, he came back with a distraught apology.

"'M sorreh! Dat wasn' meant for yew." He wailed. Noodle scrunched her brow. He hadn't told her he was talking to other girls. Unless it wasn't some other girl...

"Who was it meant for?"

2D began to stutter. "N-no one!"

"2D..." She warned, hoping he wasn't talking to the woman that broke his heart, again.

He didn't reply.

"2D, was it meant for Paula?"

"...yeah."

Noodle sighed.

"She's no... good for you, 2D."

"But, she jis' asks for pictures 'n' it makes me feel, well, yew know..." He sounded so dejected, it was hard to tell him off.

"But isn't the hurt too much to bear, in the end?" She carefully asked.

"I really did love 'er, Noodle."

"She's leading you on, you can win this-"

"'M scared!"

Time to use some metaphors.

"2D, put your hand over your heart. Can you feel your pulse?"

"...Yeah."

"If you keep torturing youself like this, you won't feel it anymore."

"She'll kill me?"

"No! Well, depends. No, but she'll-you'll rot on the inside." she struggled to find the right wording.

"Awh nuuu, I'll become a zombie?"

Noodle slapped her forehead, letting out a low groan.

"I suppose! Do you want to feel like a zombie for the rest of your life and become an empty shell of a man?"

"Uh... S'pose not..."

"Remove her from your life. You'll feel like a legend."

"How?"

"Because... Then... You've got the power?" She tried to make it sound as cool as possible.

"...that'd be neat."

"Yeah?"

"But-"

"She'll cheat on you again when she meets someone who flirts with her again, because she's a greasy bitch."

"WOW."

"Block her."

"Wait, when did 'er 'air come into dis?"

Noodle was sometimes flabbergasted on his slowness.

"That's not what I meant by greasy."

"Oh..."

No one talked for a while, and it was deafening. Really, anything that needed to be said was out, but whether 2D absorbed it or not is a mystery.

"'M back."

He was gone?

"You were gone?"

"Blocked 'er on everythin' after tellin' 'er te sod off."

Noodle tried not to scream out with the amount of proudness swelling in her chest.

"You did good, 2D."

"Fanks, Noods."

That reminds her...

"I'll just forget about that picture now."

"Awh nooooooo, 'm sorry!" he began wailing again.

"It's fine, 2D, you're not the first person to do that. I can handle a dick."

"..."

"2D?"

"Tell me their names 'n' addresses, dey're gettin' their arses absolutely stomped."


	3. Chapter 3

To be honest, Noodle had been craving a cheeseburger since she was concieved. Unfortunately, McDonald's was hard to come by in areas like hers. Her dad... Wouldn't let her have the fatty substances they'd serve up in places like that.

But he's got nothing against sushi.

Sushi every day.

As someone who is absolutely sick to the guts of sushi, she should be allowed to have her desire on this particular day.

"2D?" she called him early in the morning. 5:30am, to be precise.

"Eughh, luv?"

Maybe if she wasn't so desperately in love and lust for a cheeseburger, she'd feel sorry for him, but this was not the case.

"Can you take me to McDonald's for lunch? You can drive, right?"

"Wha-EY?" he yelled out the last part, a crash sounding through.

"2D?"

"'M aiight! L-like tiday?"

"Yes."

"Wev neva actually met up, though..."

"There's a first for everything."

"Es ih' like a date?"

Noodle blushed, her face scrunching up.

"Wh-i-n-uh-mmmmm-no!" she squeaked incredulously. "You're the only one who could take me somewhere, my friends are all studying on a day like this, and dad's out of the question."

"Yew dun' talk tih many people, do yew?"

"Look, can you take me to McDonald's for lunch today, or am I going to have to walk?"

"I'll take yew! I want teh, I was jis' confused, et's like... five-firteh in teh mornin', Noods."

"I really want a cheeseburger, I'm sorry 2D."

She really was now, she'll have to make it up to him one day.

"You go back to sleep, I'll text you my address and stuff, pick me up around 11:30."

"Hmmmmmmmm..."

"You promise?"

"Yis!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Please, don't stand me up."

"I'll be at ye' door at 'levan firty, luv."

* * *

2D liked the colour lilac.

Noodle had an abundance of lilac clothes when she was younger, sure, but now at eighteen there was about one outfit in her wardrobe she ever wore, with mild alternatives once it was soaked in body crust.

At first she thought she'd fit some of her older clothes and attempted to squeeze herself into a cute little tank top she used to love. It wasn't exactly a tank top anymore due to her having to cut it off her body shortly afterwards.

Perhaps in a better state of mind, say, one that hadn't started their day at 5:30am, she would've realized she was trying to impress 2D and stopped herself from this madness.

But when she conveniently (or perhaps inconveniently) noticed her pretty lilac curtains and remembered her handy sewing skills, a strapless dress suddenly formed, probably a little shorter than she would've liked but it is summer after all.

She glanced at the clock once she was all done, meaning her converse were laced up, light makeup covering her adolescent blemishes, dress skimming mid thigh and hair as wild as ever. It was only 10:00am.

"Fuck!" She stomped her foot in a sudden rage and fell into her couch.

"Noodle!" Her father unfortunately walked in on her little outburst whilst tying up his amazing polka dotted work tie. The real walking dad.

"Sorry, dad. I'm meant to be going out in an hour and a half." Her father most likely would not be prepared for the realisation she doesn't think boys have cooties anymore. So...

"With who?"

"Melissa."

"Well, just play on that thing if you need to pass the time, uh, PlayStation. The thing where you do the zombie hoo-haa."

"A video game?" Noodle supposed that wasn't such a bad idea, her zombie butt-kicking skills hadn't been tested for a very long time.

So, she selected a game from her abundance of disks and began to pass the time by being a 50-something year old man in an alternate universe looking after the cure for humanities disease.

* * *

11:30pm

She waited at the door. One last check of her makeup, maybe a little touch up here. Wait, she doesn't want to seem desperate, better sit on the couch then wait a minute after he knocks. Yeeeeeah, that seems alluring and not so crazy. So she sat, and waited.

* * *

12:00pm

Noodle bit her recently painted nail whilst anxiously pacing her lounge, texting 2D every now and then.

/Where are you?

/Hey I'm getting hungry

/Dude what the heck

/So you're standing me up?

/That's cool I guess I'll just rip my heart out

She accidentally sent the last one, regretting it as soon as she pressed the damned button.

"Ugh."

* * *

1:00pm

An hour and a half, and nothing from 2D. She'd called him and tried to get a hold of him through everything, even calling his landline number. He never answered.

So now, Noodle was munching on cereal, but it tasted like uncooked rice. Perhaps it was as her view wasn't too great at this moment, everything was obscured by her tears and clumps of mascara but her hunger had to be satisfied somehow.

* * *

5:30pm

Bobs Burgers is a work of art. Noodle giggled and turned the volume up a little more even though it was slightly uncomfortable to listen to. But it was at 22% volume, and that just didn't sit right with her. So 25% it went!

Life is good.

Until she heard the front door open.

She froze. Then scrambled to fix her hair as she'd previously showered once again then had changed into bum pants and a pajama top, gotta look a little socially decent to murder-

It was just her dad.

"Hey, Noodle." He smiled politely when he reached the living room, but scowled at the TV behind her. "How can you like shows like that?"

"I dunno." She muttered, slumping into her seat again.

"Bad day?"

"Just tired."

She could feel her dad internally screaming behind her.

"I'll get dinner ready, then. Just vegetable soup tonight."

"TY, dad."

"What?"

"Thank you, dad." Noodle often just forgets that abbreviations aren't always well known.

"You're welcome."

He left her to her beloved TV programme once again.

"Oh Tina, you truly are my spirit animal." She sighed.

* * *

It had been two days without any contact from 2D. Noodle had been severing her emotional ties with him the entire time, turning mild (not exactly mild) affection into something that was borderline hatred. One day, she will get him back for what he has done...

"Right! And so, after getting pretty for him and everything, he's a no-show!" Noodle exclaimed through a mouthful of cheeseburger. Melissa had gotten her mother to take them to the fast food heaven, and was interested in knowing why Noodle had been so... Frightening, lately,

"Wow, what a prick." a small contribution of hatred was enough for Noodle to launch into another frenzy.

"I know! I'm so mad, I could... I dunno, break a guitar!" She slurped up her chocolate milkshake which admittedly did not go so well with the mountain of cheeseburgers she was still to eat.

"Wow, so mad."

Noodle made some muffled grunts of agreement as she stuffed another greaseball down her throat like a champion.

"If 'e eva 'ries 'o 'alk-"

"Noodle, swallow. I can't understand you."

A gulp and gasps for breath followed, then Noodle continued.

"If he ever tries to talk to me again, I'm fucking going to give him hell!"

"How will you do that?"

"He's scared of whales."

"Whales? That's weird."

"So lame." Truth be told, Noodle thought it was cute. He could watch people get torn to shreds and keep walking with their guts hanging out and enjoy it, but an audio of a whales call? Totally loses it.

She missed him. Noodle mentally slapped herself before she started crying all over her food. It's been only two days, she'd better get over herself quick. But she couldn't stop remembering their Skype calls where she would show him how to make origami and he'd sniffle a little bit from amazement while not even attempting to learn from her, or when she absolutely shredded some Iron Maiden on her electric guitar and he'd scream out the lyrics... They were awesome, they made her feel powerful and happier than she'd ever been.

But the feeling she had now destroyed those thoughts. They were nothing compared to this ache stabbing through her heart. She closed her eyes as a small pain throbbed behind her eyes, probably from overthinking.

"Ugh." She rummaged for another burger without looking, unwrapping and eating it with her neck drooped over her tray. If she'd opened her eyes, she would've noticed how alarmingly close her hair was to her pile of tomato sauce.

Asshole calling! Asshole caaaaaalliiiiing!

Noodle choked on her food, punching her chest to clear her throat. That ringtone was meant for a specific caller...

Regardless, she rushed to answer the call and hacked up the chewed cheeseburger into the wrapping it came in. Some gagging noises ensued but she paid no attention.

"Hello?" She gasped.

"Noodle..." The familiar cockney accent was heaven and hell.

"What do you want, 2D?" she remembered to be mad instead of sobbing.

"Look, I can explain-"

"Go ahead!"

"'Dey came right for meh!"

"Who?" He was attacked? Noodle chastised herself for the past few days of hatred, of course he'd never stand her up-

"Teh stairs."

.

.

.

"Huh?" When Noodle finally grasped concept of life again, he'd hung up. She frantically started tapping her screen to call him again.

When he answered, his giggles filled the speaker.

"Sorreh, luv, couldn' help mehself."

"2D, why did you stand me up? That's so... Asshole-ish!" Noodle seethed and hushed her friends attempts to grab the phone and give him a wizz-up.

"No, realleh. I tripped down teh stairs tryna put me pants on, 'n' knocked mehself intah' a coma." 2D laughed again, but it sounded more sheepish than cheeky. "Quite silleh' of meh wasn' ih'?"

Noodle was silent.

"Noods?"

"You idiot."

"'M sorreh!"

Great, now he's making her feel bad.

"No, I... I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking very highly of you these past few days, I should've seen if you were okay." Her voice started shaking, and she knew she had to finish this quickly. "If you want, we can try again? I'll buy you your Maccas if you pick me up?"

"'Dat'd be luvleh."

"So uh... Are you okay?"

"Yeah, jus' got a wee bump on me 'ead is all."

Noodle smiled and shook her head, her eyes prickling from happiness.

"Tomorrow? Pick me up the same time we had scheduled?"

"Yis, 'levan 'firteh?"

"Yes, don't trip down your stairs again! No more 'wee bumps'."

"I will activeleh try not teh, luv."

"...see you."

She hung up and punched the air in triumph.

"He'd never stand me up! He tripped down the stairs! He was in a coma, Melissa!" She squealed happily, gathering up the rest of her burgers for consumption.

"Hooray."


	4. Chapter 4

The window wipers needed repairing. All they did to the poor glass was leave an ugly scratch, but luckily this was only 2D's work car and they can sort it out themselves without him spending too much himself.

However, 2D's vision was completely warped. Not because of his unholy 8-ball fracture, but because it was absolutely pissing down outside and the window wipers were not of any use whatsoever. He turned a sharp corner and clipped the curb which made him grimace, he's supposed to be an amazing driver after all.

Also he felt the grinding screech travel right through his teeth and it wasn't that different to experiencing the sound of a fork scraping against an old plate.

What was Noodle's address again?

"SHET." He slammed his hands against the steering wheel which caused an abrupt swerve, and his lunch's sudden want to exit the way it came. Now, let's have a look-see at this dilemma... He'd just left his own home. It's too far to go back, also he was already running late. He knew the address was printed out in bold and taped above his doorframe, so that he wouldn't forget it as he walked out. Look how well that foolproof plan turned out.

Did he write it somewhere else? 2D glanced around the car desperately. But...

Nope. Too good to be true, he barely picked up a pen unless it was to scrawl down a few lyrics he'd thought up.

Oh, right. Phone. He chuckled, pulling over to be safe. Don't use your phone while driving, kids.

He clicked the home button.

...

Nothing.

He clicked again.

Maybe he hadn't turned it on.

Wait.

He didn't put it on charge last night. It's dead.

"Eughhhh" he groaned and smacked his head on the steering wheel. His watch said he had fifteen minutes to get to Kensington, but it would probably take another ten minutes to remember Noodle's address again.

2D's life = Over.

...

Pages road.

2D sat up abruptly, a grin splitting across his face.

"Life 'es a highwayyyy, I wan' ride ih' all night looowwng." he hummed as he got back on the road.

* * *

So, 2D got Pages road down, but what was the number?

He'd been sitting on the curb (in his car of course, he'd rather not get soaked today) for five minutes, racking his brains for any number that might pop into his head. But none came.

"Whot's teh time..." He murmured and checked his watch. 11:40am. "Fockin' 'ell..."

All the houses looked the same, big and rich and creamy white. Real rich person territory here.

It wasn't that long of a road though. He could see the end from where he parked, and so an idea popped into his sore mind.

"Hopefully Noods has an umbrella." 2D said aloud as he got out of the car, and began running.

"'Ello?" He knocked on the door of the first house. After a minute an elderly man answered.

"Can I help you, boy-Oh Jesus Christ, where are your eyes?"

"Uh," 2D backed up quickly. "An acci _dent_ happened." he laughed for a second at his joke. Oh, classic 2D. "Es Noodle 'ere?"

"I've literally been living here for about eight minutes." The man gestured to the moving vans. He decided not to delve into the strange boy's explanation of the mild phenomena of having no eyes.

"'Fanks anyway..." 2D waved, but it became an awkward trip down the steps. He giggled as he remembered Noodle's specific instructions for him not to do that, so he hurriedly picked himself up and dusted off his hands.

The man stared at the blue haired guy for a moment longer before returning to his unpacking.

* * *

"'Ellooooo?" 2D was almost to the end of the street and was shivering violently, his clothes completely soaked to the bone and his hair plastered to his face. He barely had the energy to stand, let alone knock on the door. Have any of these people heard of doorbells?

"Yes?" A deep American accent spoke to answer, but no one opened the door. 2D stepped up close to the peek hole.

"'Es Noodle 'ere?"

"Uhhh, Noodle? She lives at number 54." The door creaked open and a rather big man stepped out. His eyes were a ghostly white, and 2D felt the need to ask why, but he remembered his own were rather alarming themselves. He'd also prefer not to remember why they got this way either...

 _Number 54._ Noodle is waiting.

"'Fanks!" He went to skip off, but abruptly found that he was being held back.

"D? Is that you?"

Oh dear.

"Russ!" That moment of recognition was the start of 2D's soon-to-be demise. "'Ow've yew been?" Maybe Russel, his good old friend won't remember why they haven't seen each other in so long.

"You stole my heelies a few years back."

Damn. Well, Russel appears to be on the case.

"Uh, well yew see, I was gunna give 'em back, but, uh-"

"Give them back now!"

"'Dey aren' in teh bes' shape yew see-"

"No, I don't see! What I do see however, is that you got a nice lookin' pair right there on yo' feet."

Oh mercy me, 2D thought as Russel's hands wandered to his neck and begun tightening.

"I bought 'dese wif' my own money! I'll git yours back, jus' please let me go!"

Russel did just that. 2D fell backwards with an agonising thump, his head slamming against the concrete path and a yelp escaping from his throat.

"...Ouch." He groaned and sat up after a while, rubbing his sore noggin. He peeked through one eye to see Russel looming above him, looking pissed as hell.

"I'll get your heelies, Russ! Jus'- I can't stand Noodle up!" He pleaded. What was the time anyway? He must be ages late.

Russel sighed. "Just go, man. You and I both know that's never gonna happen. Enjoy your date, it was nice seein' you. Although I would appreciate you never stealin' from me again."

What a mood swing.

"I promise I won'!" 2D finally got himself up. "An' I will bring yew your heelies!"

He really wasn't. It'd be a miracle to even remember this encounter due to the growing boulder on the left side of his head. However, he was determined as always, and Russel let out a laugh.

"Yeah, you do that. So, uh, Noodle, she's a lovely girl."

"She really is, 'das why 'm takin' 'er to McDonald's, she was cravin' et. I 'fink she's on her period, she mighta told me earlier 'dis week-"

"I don't needa know that, man!"

"Sorry."

"Bye, 'D.

"Seeya Russ-" But he was already gone, back inside and out of this miserable weather. Lucky bastard.

Now he really needed to hurry. It was nearing twelve according to his watch, which hadn't died on him even in this pouring rain, so reliable. Maybe 2D would have felt just how freezing he'd gotten if this headache that had been brewing for a long time hadn't reached it's peak, due to a certain bump it had recieved just a second earlier.

2D ran as fast as his heely-weilding feet could take him, searching for number 54, Pages road.

"Numbaaaaaa' fifteh' fourrrrr..." he sang, out of tune and out of breath. It was awful and completely unlike him. Perhaps a concussion is involved?

 _Here it is. The Holy land. 54._

He skipped up to the front door, up four steps and-whoops. He fell back onto the ground.

"FUCK."

2D picked himself up for the seemingly hundredth time that day, and heard a sudden thumping. From inside. Wait, is Noodle racing to the-

No, he must get there first. He rushed to the door, careful not to let gravity have it's way with him again, and leaned against the supporting pillar in what he thought seemed like a not-caring manner. He's gotta be cool, he's gotta be fresh. Well, as much as someone who was almost dead from hypothermia can be.

The door swung open, and he lost his composure. A goddess had answered?

"2D!" Ah yes, the familiar Japanese accent gets him every time.

"'Ello Noodsssss- _oh._ " It seems an unbearable wave of nausea had to overcome him at that particular moment. Bugger.

Gravity pulled him down onto Aphrodite at the front door, who let out an alarmed squeak.

"2D, you're soaked!" Noodle cried out, fearing for his health.

"Well, I s'pose I am, heheh." he mumbled, trying to lean back and not get her adorable lilac dress ruined. His favourite colour! What a convenience that she likes it also.

"Did you run here or something? Where's your car? Why haven't you been answering my texts? You're bleeding! I- Never mind just come inside, come on." She-oh. Suddenly 2D was in the air, being carried in a rather embarrassing way.

"Uhh." The questions she'd asked were swirling in his mind and making the already Satanic headache feel like his skull was being slammed by a fridge door repeatedly.

"God, you're going to get sick!" Noodle fretted as she carried him up a large flight of stairs and dumped him in a bathroom. "Have a bath as well, you stink."

What a step-up in their relationship.

"I've seen all of your jiggly bits," Don't remind him, "-thanks to that certain mishap, so just hurry up and I'll get my dad's clothes and-"

"Noodle."

"What?"

"Hey."


	5. Chapter 5

"Do yew 'ave a spare iPhone charga'?" 2D called meekly to Noodle who was in her kitchen, making poor, sick 2D, some macaroni cheese while forcing this god-awful craving for McDonald's down, far far down her train of thought. She'd also gone out in the rain (with an umbrella) to fetch his car and bring it up outside the house. But she'd done it in a lovely lilac dress and she still hadn't warmed up after she got back inside, even though the underfloor heating and gas fireplaces were set on overdrive.

"Just borrow mine." Noodle yelled back, stirring the bubbling cheese sauce until her arms became numb. It still didn't taste right-MORE SALT IS REQUIRED. She reached into the cupboard above her head and stood on her tiptoes to search for the missing ingredient.

Salt aquired.

"Where 'es ih'?" Noodle heard an alarmingly loud thump from the living room, and almost smacked her head into the open cupboard in shock.

"You okay, 2D?" she ducked around the kitchen to check up on him. He'd fallen off the couch, as predicted. She snorted, and knelt down to help him back up.

"Yeah, 'm aw'righ'. My phone's dead, howeva'." he pulled a face of mourning, and Noodle rolled her eyes.

"There isn't even a plug nearby. Just watch the telly, I'll charge it in the kitchen." she snatched his phone before he could protest, and traded it for the TV remote. 2D mumbled a response and began flicking through channels. Noodle shook her head in amusement.

Milk is easy to burn.

"FUCK." She sprinted back to the kitchen and took care of the bubbling cheese sauce. After turning the heat down and giving it a good stir, she plugged 2D's phone into an electric socket and begun to take selfies. A nice treat for him to return to.

* * *

"I could live off 'dis." 2D spat macaroni cheese everywhere in a fit of excitement. Noodle cringed and flicked a bit of chewed-up pasta from her hand that got the brunt of the crossfire.

"Eugh, you got it all over me." she wiped her arm on his jeans, unable to accept the grossly-delivered compliment. He got to lay across the couch, while she was squeezed up at the very end.

"Save ih' for te' Winter." he mumbled, distracted by the meal and still talking with food in his mouth. Noodle stared at him and felt her lips curl in disgust, but she started giggling anyway.

* * *

"How long 'es your hair?" 2D was awed, and had been plaiting it for a minute or two.

"It's short, 2D"

"Good god 'et's longer 'dan..."

Noodle suppressed a dick joke. She waited for him to continue, but he seemed to have forgotten that he was talking.

It was a comfortable silence.

"FUCK" she yanked her hair away and whipped around to see 2D looking rather sheepish, and a clump of her hair between his fingers after pulling at a knot.

Maybe not..

* * *

"SHE IS GOING TO GET EATEN." Noodle screamed in fear, and 2D yelled at her outburst, more out of confusion. They drowned out the programmes gory noises with confused sounds. Noodle was situated beside 2D's head and sitting on the floor as he lay on the couch, and if she was blocking his view, he hadn't complained.

A jump scare made her scream once again, and she grabbed a pillow to cover her eyes, only it wasn't a pillow, it was 2D's rather large hand. This was maybe on accident (maybe not). She blushed and flicked his hand back forcefully so he whacked himself in the face, but this didn't stop his joy.

"Yew scared of a zombie now, Noods?" 2D started laughing once the moment passed, and Noodle felt offended.

"No! I just have a lot of sympathy for idiots." she retorted pointedly, not exactly talking about the dumbass on TV anymore, but he didn't seem to notice.

"Aww, 'et's okay tih' be scared, chook." He patted her head.

Noodle felt like the idiot here, now.

"Whatever, watch this yourself." She hunched over her phone so he couldn't see what she was doing.

Time for glorious smut.

* * *

2D noticed.

"What're yew readin'?" He asked as he peered over her shoulder with no sense of personal space or privacy whatsoever.

Noodle felt her heartbeat go way out of control, and her cheeks became redder than the gore 2D was meant to still be distracted with.

"N-nothing! Stop reading over my shoulder!" She stuttered and closed the fanfiction app altogether, clicking on the old Wattpad one she used to use, but effort was futile at this point.

"Nah I know what 'dat was, because I saw 'et once at a..."

He trailed off, and Noodle felt slightly relieved. Maybe he's forgotten-

"At a gas station! Yeah,"

Noodle wanted to scream.

"And 'dese guys were doin' 'dat or somefink in te' lads toilet, and it sucked. 'cause I had to pee, so I went intah' tih' lady's one and a lady smacked me over te' head with her hand bag and called me a perv! I tried to tell 'er I just had to pee but she ran out, so I peed and went to leave but another lady smacked me with a hand bag as well, so thats why I don't go to gas station bathrooms to pee and masturbate."

Noodle, who had been listening rather intently, dropped her phone in shock. A rather drastic change in the story at the very end there, 2D.

"Wait, where did that come from?" She squeaked.

"Where did what come from?"

Noodle breathed heavily for a couple of seconds. Why on earth did she come to like this guy so much? Her shocked face split into a sudden grin, and she broke into peals of laughter. 2D found this quite infectious, and started giggling as well.

"Never mind." Noodle patted him on the head, and took the plates to get seconds of mac'n'cheese.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I decided that this chapter wasn't anywhere near as progressive as I would have liked it to be, so I added to the ending. Hope you like it even more!**

* * *

"What's an eight-letter word for a band?" Noodle asked 2D who was scoffing down a cheeseburger opposite her. They were in a relatively obscured booth at McDonald's, and had been for about five hours. They were asked to leave several times but they kept buying food, so it wasn't really fair for staff to complain and 2D laid down that argument pretty thick, much to Noodle's surprise. So they were still there, and he was downloading music with the WiFi.

While Noodle did a crossword in a magazine from 2006. Apparently those were the days where crosswords completely fucked you over.

"Uhhhhhhh..." 2D's intellectual reply came.

"Thanks. Can you look it up on the WiFi?" Noodle sighed, her brain was fried. She knew this one, she was so sure of it...

"Awlrigh'" he started typing, she could hear because he refuses to turn off the tapping noise. No matter how annoying it becomes to her, and no matter how much she pleads for him to turn it down, at least. "Uh, 'ow do yew spell... Eight?"

"E - I - G - H - T."

"Ye, 'fanks."

Moments later, the answer was revealed.

"'Et's "Gorillas"."

Noodle's face connected with the table sharply, and 2D let out a squeal in shock.

She totally knew that.

* * *

"Four-letter word for a prank?"

"I KNOW 'DIS!" 2D yelled, which the staff immediately noticed. After ten minutes of another attempted arguement to make the pair leave, they were still victorious, aside from 2D not remembering her question.

"2D."

"Noods?"

"Four-letter word for a prank?" His eyes seemed to brighten.

"OH! Um..." he stumbled over his words, and his eyes didnt seem to be concentrating anywhere anymore. It was enjoyable for Noodle to watch, really. He was so cute, like a ditsy teenager. Except he's like, in his twenties. However, she thought he was intelligent, just in his own way. There's definitely a lot of thoughts that go through his mind that nobody even realizes about, they only hear the things he says aloud which admittedly do not often seem very clever.

"Once I drank boot leg moonshine and I threw up on me dog ('e was awlrigh' 'doe, 'e had a meal wit' 'et) and' e didn't not smell like me vomit 'till me mate Brent yakked a whole cheesecake all over him. Boy, 'dat sure was a great day."

Like so.

"And, I 'fink 'et's "jape"." he finished for real, and looked at Noodle with a big ol' grin on his face. She felt her heart do an awkward flip in her chest, which somehow provoked her to stand up and lean across the table, putting one knee on it and her hands found their way to 2D's chest. And then to his cheeks, which she cupped and ran her thumbs across in a tender stroke.

"Uh, Noods?" 2D was gazing up at her, leaning his head into her hands. Noodle blushed heavily and could tell she was, and so-

She pressed her lips to his. Firmly.

But his response was so quick, wrapping his arms up around her and pulling her across the table with probably more force than needed (her torso had been crushed against his, while her legs were still where she had been sitting previously, so she felt a bit out of place), so she yanked her head back.

"Hey, no." he said with strange dominance, bringing her face back to his.

Well... It wasn't that bad at all.

And once it got a bit _too_ heavy, they left without an argument, much to the staff's rejoice.


End file.
